


I Don't Want to Be Alone

by midnightwaterlily33



Series: Souharu Week 2015 [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Physical Therapy, SouHaru Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 11:10:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5373173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightwaterlily33/pseuds/midnightwaterlily33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke's life has changed a lot since high school, and for the better. He's in school, he's in recovery, and he's got a new best friend in Haruka Nanase. </p>
<p>A year was long enough to wait for his shoulder to heal, right? Of course he acted too soon, and now he wrecked his shoulder worse than ever before. And now Sousuke has to restart his entire physical therapy regimen, with a new doctor, closer to Tokyo. </p>
<p>He won't admit it, but he's scared. He doesn't want to be alone. It's a good thing he's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want to Be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> SouHaru Week 2015: Day 5!   
> Prompt: Hurt/Comfort & Support  
> Rated: G
> 
> Can be read as romantic or platonic. 
> 
> Again, I am late as hell, but I'm here!!

Haru ponders how much has changed recently, as he sips a latte in a café booth, across from Yamazaki Sousuke of all people.

Sousuke, who, a little over year ago, had made it seem like he hated Haru. Who had backed him into a corner—literally—and threatened him in the name of Rin’s success. Who had blatantly told Haru he “wouldn’t acknowledge him” but he only gave him the time of day because he cared more about Rin.

Now, Haru would dare to say that he and Sousuke are actually pretty good friends. They meet up for coffee and studying together on a regular basis at least, and they walk to each other’s apartments after classes.

Haru and Makoto used to do this kind of stuff. Perhaps Sousuke and Haru are more than kinda good friends. Something about that thought makes Haru’s chest ache a little bit.

Sousuke clears his throat, startling Haru a little. He rubs the back of his neck and says to Haru, “I’ll admit to you, I sort of lied about wanting to study today.”

Haru blinks, studying his face for a moment, then shrugs. “Okay. What did you want to do instead?”

Sousuke, while he keeps his head down and his eyes on the unopened textbook between them on the table, blushes just a little. Haru sees him swallowing thickly. “Well… I…”

“Yeah?” Haru prompts.

“I…” the brunette shakes his head, tries again. “Today is my first physical therapy appointment with this new doctor.”

“Okay…” Haru doesn’t know what he’s getting at.

“Haru…” Sousuke begins, looking exasperated.

Haru frowns, confused about what he’s doing wrong. “What?”

The faintest blush tinges Sousuke’s cheeks and he sighs. “I don’t want…” the rest of Sousuke’s sentence gets lost, he mumbles it so quickly and quietly.

“I can’t hear you, damn it.”

“I don’t want to go alone, okay!” Sousuke blurts, and then his cheeks start to burn a deep red, and the buff ex swimmer seemingly shrinks down into himself, hunching over in his seat a little. Some people look toward the two, wondering if a fight’s breaking out.

Sousuke blushes in embarrassment and grimaces, staring down at the table intensely, instead of at Haru, who’s sort of reeling with disbelief. Tough-as-nails Sousuke doesn’t want to go to the doctor alone?

“Look, I don’t know, I… I just…” said brunette begins murmuring embarrassedly. And something about how incredibly bitter and humiliated and _scared_ his face looks makes Haru uncomfortable.

He sighs. “I’ll go with you, if you really want.”

Sousuke looks up in surprise, mouth hanging open, to say something stupid, probably, Haru bets.

“Don’t makes such a big deal,” Haru complains, if only to ease Sousuke’s tension.

 

They take the train down to the physical therapy clinic in relative silence after finishing their coffee. Haru carries Sousuke’s bag with the textbooks in it and won’t say a word about it when Sousuke grumbles, other than, “Just let me do something for once, won’t you?”

The entire endeavor is extremely unexciting, especially to Haru. They arrive in the doorway of an incredibly plain beige office and wait in the waiting room under harsh lights, surrounded by old magazines and tacky paintings. Haru gets the urge to paint new things and try to sell them to whatever idiot was in charge of decorating. He entertains himself with daydreaming, but Haru can tell that Sousuke is really anxious.

He isn’t sure though, if commenting about anything would hurt more than it could help.

When a short woman in scrubs pops out of the door and calls Sousuke’s name, the tall brunette tells Haru to stay and then sheepishly approaches and asks quietly if it’s okay that he brings a friend in with him.

She makes a funny face and apparently asks “why?” because Sousuke blushes again and Haru can hear him say, “Emotional support.” Haru almost laughs. Sousuke motions for him and he follows Sousuke and this lady down a long, white hallway.

She ushers them into a room at the end of the hall and has to fetch a chair for Haru from another room. He guesses patients don’t often come with friends in tow.

They’re left to wait in silence for the doctor to come, and Haru watches Sousuke glancing around the room uneasily and wringing his hands. He looks like a little kid scared of their checkup.

“I’m right here,” Haru reminds him quietly.

Sousuke nods once, but he doesn’t look at Haru. He doesn’t stop frowning in discomfort.

Then the therapist shows up. He introduces himself to them and then to the utter horror of them both, he asks if Haru is Sousuke’s _boyfriend._ Haru has to to bite back a gasp and Sousuke stifles a literal groan. They’re just friends, Haru answers quickly, and turns his head. He keeps his eyes on the wall for a long while after that, trying to hide his blush.

When he turns back around, the therapist is sort of poking and prodding Sousuke’s shoulder, instructing him to wiggle it around and whatnot, and Sousuke looks immensely uncomfortable.

He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with himself in this situation. Is it rude to just sit and watch this?

As time goes on, Sousuke starts to really wince in pain. The exercises get more intense, and so does the deep grimace on his face. His frame begins to shake a little bit, and Haru thinks his eyes might be clouding over a little.

Some part of Haru wants to yell at the doctor to stop hurting Sousuke. But he knows that it’s only his job.

Haru can see the moment that Sousuke’s composure slips. He’d been biting down on his lower lip so hard it was bleeding a little, but then the therapist takes his arm and tugs it forward and up, _hard._ And Sousuke actually screams. He opens his mouth to let out a gasping yell of pain, and that tips him over the edge, accidentally lets out the pain he’s been choking back. 

Haru just sort of _stares_ as tears begin to cascade down Sousuke’s cheeks and his strong frame starts to tremble.

And Haru thinks about how much it must hurt. How could Sousuke… _Sousuke_ of all people, who is hard and strong and belligerent, how could he be broken down into tears?

“I’m very sorry about that, Yamazaki-san. That hurt quite a bit, hm?” the therapist asks stoically, and Haru almost feels… mad.

Sousuke just nods roughly, and uses his good arm to wipe at his eyes angrily. He’s beginning to blush with shame, remembering that Haru is right there, and the idiot is just _staring_ at him.

“We only have one more set of exercises now, so just hold on, okay?”

The sound Sousuke makes can only be construed as a cry, and he screws his eyes shut and goes back to clenching his jaw like before. He goes back to trying to hold it in, but now his entire body is positively shaking with the effort.

The therapist guides Sousuke through the last set of stretches and rotations, and it’s really clear that this time there’s a lot more pain and difficulty. Haru starts to feel like an intruder. Or else he at least feels like he should do _something,_ anything else but just sit and watch.

Sousuke loses the battle and starts crying again when they’re almost through, and Haru realizes, he _wants to help_.

The doctor says something vaguely comforting and excuses himself to get Sousuke’s check out papers and leaves, leaving Haru and Sousuke alone in the stark white box of a room and the tension is heavy in the air.

Sousuke stays still as a statue on the edge of the exam table, except for ducking his head down into his hands to cover his face in embarrassment. He’s gone completely red with shame to be caught in such a goddamn pathetic state over something so _stupid._ Damn it, he shouldn’t have asked Haru to come with him, he _shouldn’t have._

Even worse, he can’t seem to get it together. He wants to smack himself because it’s over now but he can’t stop crying.

Haru is perplexed. What the hell is he supposed to do? Sousuke has now completely curled into himself, clearly ashamed, and Haru is hyper aware of the fact that the tall brunette is still just crying.

  Do something, do something, don’t just sit there, you idiot, do something! Haru’s mind flits about, spinning in indecision. Sousuke might want to be left alone… Right? I mean, this is him we’re talking about.

  Sousuke’s words from earlier this morning echo in Haru’s mind.

  _“I don’t want to be alone, okay!”_

If anyone knows what it feels like to be alone, it’s Haru. And it’s the worst feeling in the world.

  He makes himself say something, because Sousuke needs something, even if Haru is completely unsure about what that is. The stupid words that tumble out of his mouth are, “Does it still hurt?”

  Sousuke shrugs, still not uncovering his face. “Little bit.” He swallows audibly. “But… I…” The tall man struggles with words, face twisting into a pained expression.

  Haru quietly waits.

  Sousuke accepts that and takes a moment, heaving in some deep breaths and rubbing his eyes roughly. He curls in on himself, cradling his head in his hands and breathing, until finally, he’s some semblance of calm.

  Sousuke slowly peels his hands away and his eyes shift to Haru, looking unsure. They’re red and swollen, but Haru sure as hell isn’t going to comment. The teal eyed swimmer clears his throat, and then nearly whispers, “I’m sorry. I… I guess I just got overwhelmed.”

  Haru nods.

  “You didn’t need to see that, I’m sorry. The pain was just _so bad.”_ Sousuke pauses, looking contemplative, and then frowns. “And then I… I… don’t know.”

  “Sousuke,” Haru says plainly.

  “You don’t have to justify yourself so much. It hurt, I know.”

  Haru doesn’t want to have to say it, and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t need to when he locks eyes with Sousuke and tries to steady him with his glance. He hopes the unspoken words can flow through his expression. He isn’t just talking about the physical pain. He knows how much everything about this hurts Sousuke so _deeply._ Haru knows what it’s like to feel like your dreams have been torn right out of your grasp, completely out of reach. 

  Sousuke looks away and keeps blushing aggressively, and Haru doesn’t think his look has said what he needs to hear. He reminds himself that this isn’t Makoto. Telepathy isn’t something that works on most people.

  What’s a universal language?

  Haru doesn’t get the chance to try anything, because the doctor comes back into the room with a packet of papers for Sousuke, and he shoves them into his hands and then immediately begins directing them to the check out.

  Sousuke stands and collects his coat, shrugging it on slowly, not without an obvious wince of pain. Haru stands and moves to the taller man’s side, and, before Sousuke can walk out the door, Haru catches his hand in his own. Sousuke turns, startled, but Haru just holds on, and then laces their fingers, giving Sousuke’s hand a little squeeze that’s meant to be reassuring. He smiles up at the teal eyes that are looking down at him because he can still see the fear and the pain, and the tear tracks on his cheeks. He doesn’t know what to do to make it go away.

  Sousuke _almost_ smiles back. Haru rubs his thumb gently over the big, warm hand, and suggests quietly, “Let’s go back to your place together. Or we can go to mine.” He pauses, looking away because his face feels warm. “So you won’t be alone.”

  Sousuke smiles back, but Haru doesn’t see.

 

   They end up back at Haru’s apartment because Sousuke just doesn’t want to be in his own space just yet. His room is littered with little remnants of the wreckage he caused these past few weeks.

  After walking back to the station and riding the train back in comfortable silence, they arrive and let themselves settle down quietly, likely for a lazy afternoon. Sousuke needs calm. Haru brings Sousuke tea and a sandwich, and for once in his life, Sousuke just accepts without comment.

  “Are you going to hang around a while?” Haru asks quietly, once they’ve finished food and the tea.

Sousuke nods once. “If that’s okay, I mean.”

“You want to watch a movie or something then?”

“Yeah.”

They turn on some comedy film that’s on TV, and watch apathetically, slowly burrowing further and further into the couch as it goes on. It’s warm in the apartment, and Haru’s couch is filled with pillows and blankets, which Sousuke sort of unconsciously begins to curl up into. They just share each other’s company and laugh at the dumb jokes on screen, and they don’t think or talk about the pain.

Sousuke ends up sort of leaning against Haru, his bad shoulder brushing against Haru’s left side, and Haru’s got one leg sort of kicked up on Sousuke’s lap, under the blanket that somehow they’ve come to share.

Haru gets an idea.

“Hey,” Haru says and nudges Sousuke with his toes, right as he’s starting to think the brunette might fall asleep right there. “Sit up a little for a sec?”

Sousuke makes a confused face, but does so, allowing Haru to scoot up a bit and sit almost directly behind him. He wraps his left arm around Sousuke’s middle, coming to rest on his side, and the other comes up to Sousuke’s injured shoulder, resting there gently. He holds there for a second, feeling Sousuke’s whole body tensing up, but receives no objections, so he starts to rub slowly and gently, along the joint.

Sousuke practically melts into him at that touch, so Haru takes it as a go-ahead.

He works his hands across Sousuke’s back, and down his arms, and then back up to his shoulders, taking extreme care around his busted one. Sousuke’s skin is smooth and he is so warm. His muscles slowly get less and less tense as he calms down from the entire ordeal.

Actually, the tall brunette seems like he’s starting to doze off under Haru’s touch.

“Hey, don’t got to sleep,” Haru murmurs, feigning annoyance. He’s actually just kind of grateful those lines of anxiety and pain are gone from his tired face.

Sousuke makes a soft sound and then wiggles until Haru’s hand falls way, and then turns toward him a little and falls back, settling his entire weight back into Haru’s chest. Haru makes a strangled noise as if to say, _you’re heavy, cut it out,_ but when the teal-eyed man literally nuzzles his head into Haru’s neck, he stops.

Sousuke’s eyes flutter closed, and he curls into Haru’s body, looking absolutely pleased.

“Hey…” Haru starts, squirming a bit. His attempts to free himself only allow room for Sousuke to roll over completely, until he’s lying down on Haru’s chest, warm cheek snuggling against his collarbone and soft breath on his neck. He gives a pleased hum, and hugs his arms around Haru’s frame.

“Hey you can’t just fall asleep on me,” Haru protests gently.

Sousuke shrugs. “Just for a bit. You’re comfy.”

Haru pouts. But Sousuke can’t see with his eyes shut contently.

Sousuke yawns, burying his face deeper into Haru’s chest and whispers, “Haru… Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

Haru gives in. He pulls the blanket up around them, wraps his arms around him, and squeezes him closer.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Man, this was a beast to get out! This will be my longes SH Week entry for sure!!
> 
> I'm very sorry if this seems weird in terms of its progression. I wrestled with it for a long time but I couldn't seem to be satisfied with it, so I ended up just going with it. :)


End file.
